no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
