Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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