The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
