so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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