Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
