At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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