Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
