HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
