she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
