Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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