I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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