We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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