We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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