Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This toilet bowl is my home.
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