Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
