im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
