God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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