I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
