his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize