Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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