you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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