Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
