Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
