she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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