kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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