also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
