oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
