Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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