my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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