I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
