I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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