Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
