so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
