What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
