Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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