so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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