My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
