Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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