worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
