im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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