a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
