New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
