Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize