he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
