you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need a beard to bite.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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