if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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