If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
