By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
