Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.