hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
