I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
