I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
