Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
