Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
