i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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