Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
