OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
