one might say we're banned from that church
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
