So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
