Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
