I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
