I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
