i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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