I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
