Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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