You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"