Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house