No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
