News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
