I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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